Episode 5- It Was Fear That Stopped Me


This is Total Life Freedom. This is where we help you build a freelance business where you can create time, freedom, money, freedom, and location freedom. In episode two titled One, I gave you the story about why I’m now starting this podcast. After a long delay of thinking about it and being challenged to do it, what finally got me to go and start this up, but what you didn’t hear, even though all that was true when you didn’t hear, was the other side of the story. And the other thing that held me back and that thing that held me back was fear. So I said it, I was afraid. I was afraid to do this podcast. Even though I gave myself an excuse. I said, it’s not ready yet. I’m going to do it for the mastermind, but I’m not going to do it publicly.

Deep down inside, I was afraid. I was afraid of people not listening. I was afraid of people not caring. I was afraid of myself that it would be something, another thing that I’ve done that I started and I went all hot and heavy in the beginning and then I faded away and I’ve had enough of those. I had my blog in the past, I did a blog about five years ago where I went all into it and here’s what happened. I wrote and I wrote and I wrote and I got great traction. Some of the blog posts went viral. They got spread to thousands and thousands of people. I got a lot of momentum with it. I got a lot of great feedback, but what happened was this, I started posting and I kept posting and I kept posting in with each post engagement seem to go down and down and down. The initial ones would, I would post it on Facebook, we’d get all types of comments, but by about 20 blog posts in there were fewer and far between. 

And then I would have certain blog posts that I would post and there’ll be no comments. And what happened was I got really discouraged. I got really discouraged because I was like, nobody’s really reading this anymore. Nobody really cares anymore. So I quit and I made an excuse. I said it was the best thing at the best time and had its run, but nobody really cares anymore and I’m moving on to other things and I can convince myself of things even in my fear. So I did go on to other things, but in the back of my head I always knew that I quit. I always knew that I didn’t stick it out, I didn’t give it my best effort. About six months to a year later, you know, I would go around town or to go to different conferences and what happened often enough was somebody came up to me and said, what happened to your blog? 

A good friend of mine told me that their friend who I had never met, said that my blog was their favorite blog and then it went away. I went to photograph a Race for the Cure event and the wife of one of my friends I was photographing with told me my blog was her favorite blog and they were so disappointed when it stopped. But here’s the deal. I had no idea they were reading. They never commented on anything. They never sent me an email. I’m not saying they should have. This is on me. I thought that nobody was reading, but just because somebody is not commenting or liking or sharing doesn’t mean they’re not reading. It doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying it. It doesn’t mean they’re not getting tons of value out of it. So I saw it in a public forum of social media that it wasn’t getting the attention and I quit and I regret it. 

I don’t have that many regrets because I generally don’t quit. But I quit this one and I look back and I go, what would’ve happened if I would’ve stayed? What would’ve happened if I fought through it? What would have happened if I kept doing it and I asked a little bit more. I asked people what they thought. I got the community involved a little bit more. I asked for engagement or reviews. What would have happened if I didn’t stop? And it disappointed me to think about because there were people reading it. There were people really enjoying it and I let them down by stopping. And I had no idea that I had let anybody down because I didn’t think anybody was reading anymore. So that really threw me for a loop that really made me feel like I had no idea what was out there. 

And I quit. It took the wind out of my sail when I stopped doing that. So I wrote Freelance to Freedom after that and I stuck with that. But that was a one time thing. It took about a year to write, but it wasn’t a consistent thing that I was putting out into the public and I had avoided something like that since then. So even though I put out a podcast for the mastermind, it wasn’t the same thing. I knew there were people that were paying, they were dedicated and they were going to listen to it because that’s what they were there for. Theirs wasn’t for the public to reject. So I was afraid of rejection. I was afraid again, of people not commenting, people not like me. And it’s, I’m telling you something, if you are in this boat, if you’re writing a blog or if you’re looking to do a podcast, if you’re looking to do anything, youtube channel, don’t make your decision based on that. 

So what’s nice is I get to come back here refreshed 2.0 or 3.0 and I had the experience of having gone through that and having to realize I made a big mistake by stopping and there’s people that you’re helping and you don’t even know it. So I can walk into this right now knowing if I post this on social media and nobody likes it and nobody comments and nobody shares somebody is probably getting help from it. And just knowing that is going to keep me going on this. So what stopped me beyond what I said in the last episode, which all was true because this is more complex than a black and white answer, but there was a lot of fear. There is a lot of fear on my part in the mindset of if people reject this, it means maybe this isn’t that good. 

And what finally got me over. This was doing this for the mastermind where I got so much feedback that I realized I’m not afraid of this anymore. I’m not afraid of rejection. I’m not afraid of criticism. I’m not afraid of silence. What I am afraid of is regret cause I know I will regret not doing this if I don’t, as I regret stopping the blog and there’s very few things that I regret. There’s other businesses that we’ve stopped. I don’t regret them. We’re onto the next thing. That’s one thing I regret because I quit for the wrong reasons and I’m going to tell you, don’t quit for the wrong reasons and do the work for the right reasons. I can’t tell how good it feels to actually record these and get these out in the world and realize I got over that hurdle because that hurdle was more about me than it was about anything else. 

That is the other reason why I stopped and that’s the other reason why we’re here now. And part of this is the proving it to myself. But the most important thing is to prove it to you and give examples for you. Because if you have a voice, if you’ve got a book, if you’ve got a podcast, if you’ve got something that you want to put out there, if you’ve got art that you need to do, if you’ve got a business to grow, you cannot let your own fear or other people’s judgment stop you from starting. So if I could be an inspiration to anybody here, whether you comment or not, that’s my job and that’s what I keep doing. So thanks again and I really appreciate you listening.

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