Episode 220- I Don’t Want To

So Michelle Williams is an amazing part of our mastermind. She’s been a highly skilled recruiter. She runs a mastermind of her own for women, but she has this passion to help people get through their fears and to do the things that freak them out. So as you can imagine, we get along very well. But on a couple months ago, we’re talking about public speaking and she had done a little bit of it and we had asked about it and she pushed back on wanting to do more public speaking and she had done some of it and it completely lined up with our platform. So I do what I do when I see an opening and I’m pushing the buttons and I’m just curious to why she’s not doing more of this. And she said, I just don’t want to. And that would have been a very easy thing to leave right there.

Because some people might be like, get off my back. I don’t want to leave me alone, don’t want to do it. But I did sense that something didn’t seem right. I said, I got to push it just a little bit further before I let this one go. And I said, is it that you don’t want to or you’re afraid to do it? I saw her face change a little bit and she put her head down a little bit. Then she smiled and she was so honest and she said, I’m afraid to do it. And we had such an incredible conversation and debate back and forth because the words that we use can paint a completely different picture of not only how we feel, but also of what we want to do. And she realized by saying, I don’t want to do. It was a safe way of letting yourself off the hook because if somebody tells you they don’t want to do something, nobody is going to nag them to do it.

I don’t want to go bungee jumping, but why do you keep bugging them? Like get off my back. You’re annoying me, but that’s not what we’re dealing with here. And I had a friend one time years ago that would tell me about his problems. We’d go for long walks and he’d tell me about these things going on and these things that were wrong. And I’m obviously trying to help and I’ll suggest things cause he’s coming to me with problems. I didn’t bring it up. And then once I asked these questions, I’ll say, but I’m happy I finally got fed up. And I’m like, Oh, that’s such a BS answer. Because if you’re happy, you wouldn’t be complaining about all these things that you’re complaining about. So I was frustrated and I said to him, do not waste my time with this because it’s absolutely unfair to be complaining about things and looking for solutions for things.

And when people give you solutions or ideas, you say, but I’m happy. It’s like nailing jello to the wall. So Michelle, she wasn’t doing that, but unintentionally who she was doing something like it because by saying I don’t want to, that says that she’s not interested, but by saying that I’m scared to do so, it’s a completely different story that says I’m interested or I might be interested, but I’m afraid to do something about it. And it’s two completely different stories. So on that call she realized she was afraid more than she didn’t want to do it. And as the conversation went on, she let it be known that she actually is really interested in public speaking. So Michelle mustered up the courage and she accepted a speaking gig in South Carolina where she lives and she went to work and she worked on the presentation and she worked on what she was handing out to the people.

And I remember how she was the Tuesday before that speech. But what I remember more than that is the message that she sent afterwards and she was freaking out and she was like, that was amazing. She was absolutely lit up after rocking the stage for a hundred people and walking the walk for what she helps other people do, which is do things that freak them out. And what was amazing that she said was one woman that was on the side of the stage and told her how incredible her speech was and how much of an impact that presentation had on her. And I called her afterwards. I knew she was so excited and she said, Vince, that one conversation with that one woman and how she responded to it and how it impacted her was worth all of it and now she’s given more presentations since then and each one she gets more confident in and it’s such a success story that’s just going to get bigger and brighter.

I know Michelle is going to be fine for what I’m thinking about. Are all the people out there that hide behind, I don’t want to or they hide behind, but I’m happy or they hide behind the thing that I can’t stand, which is I’m fine. I’m fine. To me is the lamest answer. If you ever asked me how I’m doing and I say, I’m fine, you have permission to smack me in the back of my head. Nobody puts, I’m fine and their tombstone. Although there’s a more uninspiring boring thing to say consistently, then I’m fine, but you need to ask yourself when you’re not doing the things that you really want to challenge yourself to do, and we all have it. I know you have it. I know there’s something that you’re itching to do that you’re thinking about and you’re kind of planning on and it’s so easy to say, but I don’t want to do it.

I’ll be honest when I say I understand, I don’t want to do it. If you said to me, why don’t you go pick up toxic waste at three o’clock in the morning on Friday, I’m going to tell you I don’t want to do it. Then if you said, well you scared. Well that’s probably a bad example cause yeah, I would be scared to pick up toxic waste on the side of the road, but if it was just pick up garbage on the side of the road at three o’clock in the morning, no, I don’t want to do it. I’m not scared to do it. I just don’t want to. But that’s way different than something that we actually want to do. But we hide behind. I don’t want you, cause most people are not going to challenge you on that. Most people are going to accept that from you. And then you get to live in mediocrity by not really challenging yourself to do what inside you want to do. So that’s what I want you to think about today. That next thing that you want to accomplish, that you’re not pulling the trigger on, are you not doing it because you don’t want to or you’re not doing it because you’re scared and there’s a big difference. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

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