Episode 210- Who Are You Repelling?

We are taught so much in this culture to think about what we attract and how to do all the things that we need to do to attract the things that we want in our life. A couple of years ago, if you remember there was the whole law of attraction thing that broke out. This was obviously a lot of talk about attracting the right things for your life. But I want to talk to you about the opposite of that, which is where I always tend to go when it comes to something of pop culture or popular opinion. So I don’t want to talk to you today about what you’re attracting. I want to talk to you today about what you’re repelling and I’ve come to pay attention to this more in my own life as the years go on. Cause I talked to somebody recently who was struggling in their business and in their personal life and in a moment of reflection and almost a bit of self pity, this person said, I always seem to attract the wrong people and that’s what it kinda hit me, that we’re kind of like magnets.

If you think of yourself like a magnet, if you constantly seem to be attracting the wrong people, if what you do or your vibe or the choices that you make, the places that you go, if they attract a certain type of people that you’re not really happy with and you think of yourself like a magnet, who brings these people in. The magnet not only attracts but it repels, but it does not repel the same thing. It repels the opposite. So I started talking to this person and I know that they’ve got a lot of great connections in their life. I know that they’ve got some smart, supportive family members and I wondered what those people thought about what she’s doing. And this thinking was kind of an experiment. So I didn’t let her in on what I was thinking about. I was just curious and asked these questions cause I know some really good quality people she’s been associated with and she kind of dismissed them, mentioned that she’d grown apart from a bunch of those people and they don’t get back to her as much.

And it was obviously there was a little bit of resentment there maybe a lot of resentment. And that’s when it hit me that she was kind of playing it for chance and just an oddball thing that she just seems to attract the wrong people. But it wasn’t a coincidence. I realized it was not by chance that she was not only attracting the wrong type of people, but she was repelling the right type of people. And they’re one in the same. So have you ever met that successful person that seems to know everybody has tons of great connections, is always being helped or propped up or supported by a network of generous people. But at the same time they had their haters and the people that grumble about them and talk about them. Oftentimes there are people from this person’s past and even though they were once good friends and they hung out all the time, not only do they not see each other as much anymore, but neither side really wants to hang out with the other one anymore.

And what this person has done is that they’ve learned to attract the person that they want to be around the person that’s going to lift them up and challenge them, not allow them to make excuses, not allow them to quote unquote do what they’ve always done. These people have higher standards for themselves and the people that they’re around. So by being in that company, it lifts everybody up. But again, that’s the attraction side. What’s the repelling side? The repelling side are the people that don’t want anything to do with the repelling side for this person. Are the people that still want to act like they’re still in high school or college. They’re the ones that don’t want to do the work or take the responsibility and they’re the ones that certainly don’t want your opinion on how they could do things better. And what happens so often in this situation is the person that’s being repelled against gets angry and get spiteful and all it does is prove this idea a little bit more because the more you disassociate with those people, the more attractive it’s going to be to the other side because those people don’t want to be around the complainer’s if they’re striving to be better and to not make excuses.

The more they do that, the more they’re going to want to be away from the people that do. And I truly think our childhood makes this so difficult for us as adults because a lot of times we think we don’t even have the choice to do this. Why? Because when you were in fourth grade, did you have any choice of who sat next to you? Did you have any choice about the people that were in your class? The only time you kind of saw it was during lunch or recess and it’s pretty interesting, at least from what I remember that I didn’t hang out with the same people at lunch that I hung out with in class. But school for me was the perfect example as well because I repelled a lot of people. I repelled people that tried in school because I didn’t and because of that I attracted a whole lot of people that didn’t care either.

And for lack of a better term, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer, whether that’s financially, relationally or health wise, but for the most part we didn’t have a choice about who we can hang out with. So then we become adults and we still wind up hanging out with the same people that we’ve hung out with for 15 years. Even though we know they’re not good for our lives. When you are a knucklehead, you attract knuckleheads when you have very little ambition, but to go to work and to drink on the weekends, I can tell you that the person that wants to get up and go to the gym at 5:00 AM and then wants to work on their business and talk about ideas and things that they can grow from, does not want to hang out with the person that staying up till two 30 drinking.

Then watching TV the next day complaining about their kids and their spouse and just talking about how life sucks. It is not only not a coincidence, but it’s a fact that you’re going to repel from each other and this is why families struggle so much. Just because you were born into the same family does not mean you’re not going to repel each other. It’s easy to decide that I don’t want to hang out with that friend anymore or that group of people when you’re an adult because you know there are no good for you. Or if you’re on the opposite side that these people are no longer fun and you don’t like the conversations that they have, but when it’s family, it’s way more of a challenge and a whole different episode to talk about. But I really want you to think about this. I want you to think about not only the people that you are attracting in your life, the people that want to be around you, but who are the people that you’re repelling from your life are the people that you’re repelling successful, but you feel that they’re too good for you now, but at the same time, you’re attracting people that don’t have very much ambition and they’re kind of negative.

I hate to tell you this, but that’s not about those people. That’s about you. You are the magnet that is attracting these types of people and repelling those types of people. So we need to decide what kind of a magnet we’re going to be and realize what type of people we’re attracting, and just as importantly, what type of people are we repelling? I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

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