Episode 20- But She Doesn’t Like Blood

The transcript for Ep. 20- But She Doesn’t Like Blood

To the parents that are listening, I want you to listen closely to this story. I was at Starbucks, I was doing work. It was my home away from home office. There were two women sitting behind me and they were talking about their daughter and they were talking really loud so I couldn’t really ignore them any longer. I was trying to get some work done. I should’ve known better than to try to get any writing done while I was at Starbucks, especially on a weekday afternoon. But there I was, and there are these two women behind us and they’re talking and one of them was talking about her daughter and her daughter obviously was graduating high school, was getting ready for the college admissions. So as I’m drawing a blank on the work that I’m doing, I actually started to just listen to the conversation because there’s nothing else I could do. 

I actually got up and got a coffee. I came back, she was still talking about it and started discussing her daughter’s situation and in terms of the school that she was going to go to, so she’d obviously done research. It was very clear that she wanted her daughter to become a nurse. So they’re looking at different nursing schools, which ones are which, the prices of the different schools, what’s out of state, what’s in state. So at this point I kind of just sat back and I just listened. I’m kind of just assessing what’s going on and I’m not saying obviously saying anything to them, but I’m just listening cause it’s, it was inherently more interesting than what I was working at that moment cause I couldn’t get any work done. So she’s going on and on about this and she’s talking about the different schools. 

They’re comparing the costs, they’re comparing, you know, the quality of the, of the nursing school here. What would be in the program, which you would have to do. The friend of hers was giving a whole lot of advice back and then the woman, the friend said something like what are the downsides of this? The mom of the daughter going to school said something that just completely got my attention. She goes, yeah, there is a downside. Not really about the school, it’s my daughter. She doesn’t like being around blood and she doesn’t know if she really wants to be a nurse. I almost spit my coffee out. I couldn’t believe it. The whole time she’s going on and it took everything I had to not turn around and say something. If you know me, there’s a chance that I might actually say something in that situation, it took everything I had not to. 

I’m thinking this mother is planning out her daughter’s career. She’s planning out the schools and the cost and the emotion and everything that goes with it and she’s not taking into consideration that this is not her daughter’s idea. She said as much, this is her idea, this is what she wants for her daughter. And I just think for our kids, what are we doing to them when we do stuff like that. And a lot of that comes down to control because you control the money when you’re the parent and your kid has no money and instead of realizing she might not know what she wants yet, she’s 17 years old or she’s 18 years old. Instead of allowing them to find a path and figure it out and maybe it’s not going to be when you’re 18 years old, maybe it’s going to be at 24 like it was for me. 

Maybe it’s going to be a little bit later, but maybe it’s not up to us to control exactly what our kids are going to do for careers when they’re 18 years old, especially when it’s something that they don’t want to do and it broke my heart because I know that this woman is going to go back. I know she’s going to be very supportive of her daughter going to school for nursing and her daughter is probably going to go along with it because it’s going to be paid for and your daughter doesn’t know yet and you think back to when you’re 18 and you don’t know. And this mother. The problem is she actually thinks she’s helping. She really thinks she’s helping out. But what she could be doing is sending her daughter on a path that she doesn’t want to go on and putting her into debt that she’s not ready for. 

And then having to later on figure out, I never wanted to do this to begin with. And then when she’s 35 years old, so how’d you wind up as a nurse if you didn’t want to do this? And it’s because, well, I don’t know. My mom suggested I should do it or I thought I wanted to. And then you go in and then you have all this debt and you have four years invested in. How do you then say, I don’t want to do this, because you’ve already done that. You’ve already put the time into it and then you say, well, I don’t really want to do the same as you don’t want to give that time up that you already did, even though you don’t want to be there to begin with. And there’s so many kids going through this today, and there’s so many parents that don’t even see how much of a problem this can be. 

So this is for the parents that are in this situation. We have to be able to allow our kids to figure out a lot of what we have to do. And maybe they’re not ready at the same pace that everybody else is. Maybe they’re going to take some time off. Maybe they’re going to travel, maybe they’re just going to be in a dead end job for a couple of years until they figure something out for themselves. But 18 is not the be all end all when you need to figure out your career. And we put so much pressure on kids these days to do this that it winds up leading to such awful results in the future, so often, and I thought about this girl and the girl kind of is going to have no shot at this unless she puts her foot down and says, mom, I’m not gonna do this. 

And then you’ve got to deal with the consequences of, well, then you’re not going to go to college. I’m not gonna pay for it. Whatever they would say, you don’t know what it’s going to be. So just as parents, let’s just keep an open mind to the fact that we’re not all ready at the same time. Not every kid walks at the exact same time. Not every kid talks at the exact same time. We’ve got to give individually, each of us an opportunity to grow at our own pace. And it might be a little bit longer than their classmates, and that’s fine. So that’s my rant for today. I’ll talk to y’all tomorrow.

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