How Our Actions Influence Our Children
So, I logged into Facebook this morning and you know they do these reminders, those two years ago today or four years ago today and as much as I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook, I’ve been enjoying these when these pops up. Especially with regards to things from family, seeing pictures of the kids and even some business milestones. Its kind of keeps me on track in terms of where I’ve been, where I’m going without really having to pay attention to it. I got one of those notifications this morning and immediately inspired to come up and record this podcast.
It was two years ago today that the first box, the first shipment of my book Freelance to Freedom arrived at our house. It was a pretty intense moment the first time you actually pick up and hold your book in your hand that you worked for years really from start to finish years on. It was a pretty humbling and exciting experience to be able to go through that. And the picture that showed up on Facebook was Dylan who was six at the time, holding the book up with this giant smile on his face. So that is what popped up on my feed while I logged in this morning.
The story I want to tell you today is not about Dylan smiling, it’s not even about the book. It’s about something what our son Nolan said that night when he was looking through the book. We were in the dining room together. We just got out to dinner to celebrate and we just gotten back to the house. I saw him just looking at the book and going through it. We were sitting at the table and he said something that really caught my attention. He looked at it and matter-of-factly he said “when I write a book…” and he went on to describe about the book is going to be about. It could have been very easily could have throwaway something or something that we talked about and then moved on from. But it struck me the way that he said it because he was 10 years old and he is matter-of-fact saying “when I write a book…”
That made me so proud because he wasn’t saying what if I write a book or do you really think I can write a book or I don’t think I’m ever to be good enough to be able to write a book. I love the confidence on which he said when I write a book. I want him to never lose that because most adults lose that. Most adults take the excitement and energy and the belief that they have when they’re young and they allowed to be destroyed and beaten down and questioned by people as they go on with their life. They allow reality to creep in. They allow other people’s failures and doing the same things that they want to do stop them from trying it because it’s not realistic.
I’m recording this because I want Nolan to hear this in 10 years. I want to hear it in 15 years when he was doubting himself. I want you to listen to this if you’re doubting yourself and say when I write the book it will be this. And even better is I am going to write the book and I’m going to start now. But what most people do will say “if I ever do that” or question if they can do it. I thought back on where this doubt comes from, as well as where is the inspiration come from to do these things. If you’re a parent, how you might be completely underestimating your ability to inspire your kids to do the great things that they should be doing. And I was proud of myself the way that this came about because I didn’t think of this way when I was writing the book. I didn’t even consider it all those mornings where I struggled waiting for the right word of the right sentence or editing it for changing it or brainstorming different ideas or trying to get publishers to publish the book. Trying to get influential people to endorse the book, trying to get anybody to even read the book at the beginning.
As I was going through this, I wasn’t thinking any of this was a lesson for our children. I was doubting myself as to should I really be writing this book? But I was defiant enough and believed in the message of myself enough. I even said and I wrote in the book and actually got edited out by myself at some point. I don’t know why as I think back on it but basically saying that only two people will read this book, Elizabeth and my mom but I’m still going to write it anyway. So, I didn’t write the book for commercial success. I didn’t write the book so I can get approval or could be on a bestsellers list. I didn’t write the book so that businesses would come from that. That’s not what I wrote the book. I wrote the book as I thought it was a message that needed to get out there. The story that somewhere down the line, my kids are going to read and they’re going to be inspired by it and know our family history, and if anything, ever happened to me that this would be documented for them. That was a big reason why I wrote the book.
On top of that, I might’ve mentioned before that I was dealing with an incredible adrenal fatigue the entire time I was writing the book, I wasn’t sleeping very much. I was exhausted, I had anxiety and deep down and complete full disclosure, I felt like I was dying. And there was something about that exhaustion and anxiety and that “deadline” that forced me to write it in a certain way. But if you were gonna asked me then what’s gonna come out of the book? I’m glad I didn’t have specific goals for it because amazing, incredible things has come out as an organic effect from it. If I would’ve set out to write the book because I will have multiple paid mastermind groups, I will have a membership community or I want to build a speaking career, I will have a podcast I would’ve written it differently. I wouldn’t have written it, I think, as honestly as I did.
So, I think the reasons for writing the book are a cause of its success. But of all things that come from it that I did not expect, I never anticipated what Nolan was gonna say. I never anticipated him holding my book and then saying confidently when I write a book. Because what comes from that day have been pretty exciting to see. Nolan is constantly in his room drawing stories, making comic books, putting them together, stapling the books together, making covers for them, coming up with titles and storylines and confidently writing books. And if my book, writing it and publishing it, getting it out there and him seeing it in Barnes & Noble and been able pull off the shelf, if that has something to do with it then I am doing my job right.
I want to bring this message to you because I want you to know that what you do has an impact on what your children believe. If you go and strive to do something you haven’t done before, it inspires them to say well mom or dad did it, so can I. and I think that is way more important than then be able to memorize something from a test or to be able to follow some rules that somebody else says is success. Don’t punt the education of your kids to the school system. We as parents have way more of an effect on what our kids do and achieve and believe that we give ourselves credit for. And if you’d like to listen to the book for free, go to members.totallifefreedom.com and in the top right-hand corner is an orange link where you could download the free audio version to the book. I hope you grab and listen to it. You could buy it as well If you want on Amazon. But if you want the audio version, you can get it for free and I will be back with you tomorrow.