What Do You Get When You Ask For Money?
There are certain lines that people say to you that just stick with you over and over again. At least they do for me. I say to my group so often but the reason why so many businesses fail financially and relationship wise is desperation and desperation usually comes when somebody needs something now. You rarely hear somebody desperate for something that could happen in two years. When you start paying attention, then you start noticing signs of desperation. You start noticing in the people’s language. You start noticing in the way that they relate to people, the way they even start conversations.
I think I got used to this from a very young age. I used to go to New York City a lot when I grew up in New York and you have to be able to handle it when you’re a kid and you’re in the city and panhandlers come up to you for money. So I always felt it was an uncomfortable position because a panhandler would come up to me and they were really good. They figured out the right spots to be at. They figure out the right people to ask. They would come up to me and ask me for money and you give it to them but then, how many of them can you give it to? How much money do you possibly have to give out? Are you even helping them by doing it? Are they going to buy drugs or alcohol or whatever?
And finally one day I started noticing the way people came up to me when I was in the city and I change that around. When they came up to me, I started walking up to them and they would always ask me if I have a dollar. So as soon as I saw someone’s walking up to me which I thought we were asking for money. I walked up to them and I said “hey do you have a dollar?” and it stop them in their tracks. A few times they said “Well, I was gonna ask you if you got a dollar.” And i would say “Yeah. I just need a dollar. Do you have a dollar?” and they would be like “no I don’t” and then we will go on our merry way. It actually became fun to do after a while.
But as time went on and I went to the business world, I started noticing so many people that just came across desperate whether they were or not, it’s how they came across. I could tell because he will reach out to me out of nowhere and asked me to donate to their charity or they would ask me to buy their book. They would asked me to share with the audience. It wasn’t built on relationships and relationship equity is built on desperation. But at the same time, I noticed that the people that asked for advice, the people that played the long game, they generally have people interested in what they were doing because they gave input to those people. They let them have a say in what was going on. They weren’t just asking for a sell. And I always noticed even as we started our business, we get really curious about the people around us that we would ask questions. I would ask for advice “what do you think about this? Does this page look good this way? What do you think about this package price or this option?” Often when we would do that, people would say “you know if you do that I will buy that.” I was like “really? Are you serious?” and they would say “yeah. I was actually looking for something like that, I’m glad you brought this to me.” This really happened over and over again,
But I never had a good way of explaining this but I tried often letting people know that this is a better way of going about it. And then in our mastermind, Michelle Williams said something that stuck with me. Now Michelle runs Real Women’s Mastermind, she’s doing what she calls “The Do it Freaks You Out”. She is doing public speaking now, just getting people to do the things that freak them out and overcoming their fear. And we were talking on one of our mastermind calls and somebody is talking about asking for the sale upfront. And again, it was based in kind of a desperation mode and we’re both pushing up against it and she said “when you ask for money, you get advice. When you asked for advice, you get money” and I said I love that, I am doing a podcast episode about that because it’s so spot on.
Think about when you go up and you asked somebody “hey would you buy this from me?” Or somebody try to sell you on something that they don’t even want. Whether you do it or not, at least me, I want to give them advice. I want to give them advice on a different way of going about it. I want to give them advice on maybe think about this or try this differently. I’m not buying what you’re selling but I really want to give you advice as opposed to money. But when you ask for advice, you might not get money initially from the person but you’re going to get advice that leads to the money and I can give you the example about how my very first mastermind started was exactly along the lines of Michelle’s talking about.
Andy Storch who I just met the month before asked me to interview on his podcast, which at that point was the Entrepreneur’s Hot Seat but is now the Andy Storch Show. We had a great interview and somehow the mastermind came up because I was releasing the book. I had been running a couple mastermind for Larry Hagner, The Dad Edge but with the book coming out, I want to start one geared towards freelancers and entrepreneurs not just fathers. I want this to be an entrepreneurial mastermind. So I hadn’t even started a thing yet, I wasn’t even set on what I was gonna start. So after the interview, he asked me a little bit about it and I was asking for his advice on the mastermind, on the pricing, on the format of it and he said “if you start this, I’m in.” I said “Are you serious?” I haven’t even set this thing down yet and don’t know what’s it going to be.” And he said “No. I love what you’re doing, I love the message, price is right. When you started, I’m in.”
So I almost felt weird because I didn’t even ask him to be a part of it and he asked to join in. So the same day, I went to my friend John Vandermeulen and I messaged him and I said “can I ask you a question” He said “yeah. hop on the phone.” So, I called him a few minutes later and said “I want to run this by you. I know you’ve been in a mastermind. we were in one together. So I am looking to do this but I am looking to do in this way, a little bit different, different time, different format. This is what I want to build it to. This is the idea of the right type of people. Here’s the price point. I want to get your take on this.” So he started giving me feedback in terms of things that he seen before, things that could be done better things, the things I would be really good at and before it was all over, he said “we’ll let me know when you start this because I want in.” And I said “you got to be kidding. I said the same thing to Andy and he gave me the same answer. And now I came to you with this. I’m not doing this to sell you on the mastermind, I was literally doing this to get your input because I trust your input.” He said “I know. I know you not selling and that is part of the reason why I want to do this. I love your approach to this and when you are ready I’m in.” And that is quite literally how what turned into the Total Life Freedom mastermind started.
But going by Michelle’s advice, I didn’t go to them asking them to sign up for it. I went to them asking for their advice and maybe it’s a mindset thing that when you’re going there, asking for advice, you’re not going into a desperate, so maybe the people sense it and they want to be around people that aren’t desperate. And on the opposite side, when you’re going into it looking for money, it feels desperate so people are repelled by that. Whatever it is, try it out. Instead of asking for the money, start asking for advice. Because even if you don’t get the money after asking for the advice that you shouldn’t expect, but you’re gonna get the advice that leads to the money. So, thank you Michelle Williams for that nugget of incredible wisdom and remember to stop asking for money, start asking for advice.
I’ll talk to you tomorrow!