Episode 220- I Don’t Want To

So Michelle Williams is an amazing part of our mastermind. She’s been a highly skilled recruiter. She runs a mastermind of her own for women, but she has this passion to help people get through their fears and to do the things that freak them out. So as you can imagine, we get along very well. But on a couple months ago, we’re talking about public speaking and she had done a little bit of it and we had asked about it and she pushed back on wanting to do more public speaking and she had done some of it and it completely lined up with our platform. So I do what I do when I see an opening and I’m pushing the buttons and I’m just curious to why she’s not doing more of this. And she said, I just don’t want to. And that would have been a very easy thing to leave right there.

Because some people might be like, get off my back. I don’t want to leave me alone, don’t want to do it. But I did sense that something didn’t seem right. I said, I got to push it just a little bit further before I let this one go. And I said, is it that you don’t want to or you’re afraid to do it? I saw her face change a little bit and she put her head down a little bit. Then she smiled and she was so honest and she said, I’m afraid to do it. And we had such an incredible conversation and debate back and forth because the words that we use can paint a completely different picture of not only how we feel, but also of what we want to do. And she realized by saying, I don’t want to do. It was a safe way of letting yourself off the hook because if somebody tells you they don’t want to do something, nobody is going to nag them to do it.

I don’t want to go bungee jumping, but why do you keep bugging them? Like get off my back. You’re annoying me, but that’s not what we’re dealing with here. And I had a friend one time years ago that would tell me about his problems. We’d go for long walks and he’d tell me about these things going on and these things that were wrong. And I’m obviously trying to help and I’ll suggest things cause he’s coming to me with problems. I didn’t bring it up. And then once I asked these questions, I’ll say, but I’m happy I finally got fed up. And I’m like, Oh, that’s such a BS answer. Because if you’re happy, you wouldn’t be complaining about all these things that you’re complaining about. So I was frustrated and I said to him, do not waste my time with this because it’s absolutely unfair to be complaining about things and looking for solutions for things.

And when people give you solutions or ideas, you say, but I’m happy. It’s like nailing jello to the wall. So Michelle, she wasn’t doing that, but unintentionally who she was doing something like it because by saying I don’t want to, that says that she’s not interested, but by saying that I’m scared to do so, it’s a completely different story that says I’m interested or I might be interested, but I’m afraid to do something about it. And it’s two completely different stories. So on that call she realized she was afraid more than she didn’t want to do it. And as the conversation went on, she let it be known that she actually is really interested in public speaking. So Michelle mustered up the courage and she accepted a speaking gig in South Carolina where she lives and she went to work and she worked on the presentation and she worked on what she was handing out to the people.

And I remember how she was the Tuesday before that speech. But what I remember more than that is the message that she sent afterwards and she was freaking out and she was like, that was amazing. She was absolutely lit up after rocking the stage for a hundred people and walking the walk for what she helps other people do, which is do things that freak them out. And what was amazing that she said was one woman that was on the side of the stage and told her how incredible her speech was and how much of an impact that presentation had on her. And I called her afterwards. I knew she was so excited and she said, Vince, that one conversation with that one woman and how she responded to it and how it impacted her was worth all of it and now she’s given more presentations since then and each one she gets more confident in and it’s such a success story that’s just going to get bigger and brighter.

I know Michelle is going to be fine for what I’m thinking about. Are all the people out there that hide behind, I don’t want to or they hide behind, but I’m happy or they hide behind the thing that I can’t stand, which is I’m fine. I’m fine. To me is the lamest answer. If you ever asked me how I’m doing and I say, I’m fine, you have permission to smack me in the back of my head. Nobody puts, I’m fine and their tombstone. Although there’s a more uninspiring boring thing to say consistently, then I’m fine, but you need to ask yourself when you’re not doing the things that you really want to challenge yourself to do, and we all have it. I know you have it. I know there’s something that you’re itching to do that you’re thinking about and you’re kind of planning on and it’s so easy to say, but I don’t want to do it.

I’ll be honest when I say I understand, I don’t want to do it. If you said to me, why don’t you go pick up toxic waste at three o’clock in the morning on Friday, I’m going to tell you I don’t want to do it. Then if you said, well you scared. Well that’s probably a bad example cause yeah, I would be scared to pick up toxic waste on the side of the road, but if it was just pick up garbage on the side of the road at three o’clock in the morning, no, I don’t want to do it. I’m not scared to do it. I just don’t want to. But that’s way different than something that we actually want to do. But we hide behind. I don’t want you, cause most people are not going to challenge you on that. Most people are going to accept that from you. And then you get to live in mediocrity by not really challenging yourself to do what inside you want to do. So that’s what I want you to think about today. That next thing that you want to accomplish, that you’re not pulling the trigger on, are you not doing it because you don’t want to or you’re not doing it because you’re scared and there’s a big difference. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Episode 219- The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind

Around three years ago, I was walking through a bookstore looking for a book to buy. I tend to go to the business or self development section and I always go in the same direction and some of the books that I’m going to buy and I didn’t want to do that. This time I wanted something a little bit different. And I came upon this book titled the boy who harnessed the wind, a picture of a windmill on the cover and this kid, and I’m not sure why I picked it up for some reason that grabbed my attention. I looked inside of it, I read a couple of pages and I got caught up and I said, there’s the book and I bought this book and I think I gravitate towards it because it was in the middle of my adrenal fatigue that I had talked about and I was going through a heavy bout of anxiety and depression.

So I think I needed something that would inspire me in a different way on that day. Cause I remember being one of the worst days when I was going through it and I could barely keep my eyes open. It was like 10 30 in the morning and my body just felt exhausted. My mind felt exhausted so that they’re reading it and talking to Elizabeth about it. We thought it’d be a fantastic movie to bring and watch with the kids. It’s a true story. It’s about this boy in Africa and lived in a town that was suffering from severe drought. It was a very poor, impoverished area. And as bad as it was, once the droughts came in, which killed so many of the crops and then floods came in, which washed away their crops, their harvest, maybe their houses. So you had a lot of people that were dying.

You had a lot of people that were leaving, but this boy had nowhere to go. It was him and his parents and his sister and he had a love for electronics. And as I read it, it reminded me so much of our kids were constantly taking apart electronics, trying to put them back together, figuring out the wires and the transmitters, you know, they build their own little cars, their own little generators. I’ll be honest, like it’s so foreign to me. I never had any interest in any of that stuff and they just are wired for it. So this kid in a way reminded me of our kids. So during this process and this drought and the struggle, he figured out that he could make a dynamo and turn something with a fan that can create energy and they can get water from the well so they can plant their crops and they could water them even during the drought.

So as the entire town was getting desperate, not surprisingly, he was really excited about this idea. So he learned and he studied and he read on this and it got so bad that their parents didn’t have enough money. So he wasn’t even allowed to go to school because they weren’t paying for the tuition. So that’s where he would learn about it and read about it in the library. But he found a way, he found a way to get into the library to talk them into allowing him in there so he can study this. But the bad part was this from the parent and father perspective and Elizabeth and the boys talked about this after the movie. I wasn’t there for the conversation, but they talked about the father in the movie and the father in the movie had a really hard time with change. Even when he was younger, his father didn’t want to give him land cause he knew his son had a hard time changing and would need to.

But the son always wanted to do things the same way. So we left it to his other son. So as the movie went on, we saw this, they kept doing the same thing and the father kept trying to harvest the land. No, how dry it was. He never changed approaches. It was to the point where it’s a really important part of the movie. The son comes to the dad and he pleads, he says, dad, if I could use your bike, I can use it for this windmill that would harness the wind to get this water. But I’d had to cut your bike apart. And instead of listening, the dad was so stuck in his ways that he got mad and broke his son’s radio and said, stop this, forget this. And they got into a huge fight about it. But the son didn’t quit. He had this resolve and he brought his friends into it and he told them what was going on and all the kids can too, and said, give your son a chance to do this.

And even then, even then, the father did not want to change. He actually wanted to fight the kids because they were challenging him. And it wasn’t until the dad’s daughter, the boys older sister left to go to another town and his wife finally confronted him on this. At the same time, nearly everybody was gone from the town. People were either dying or they had left. The chief of the town had died, the kid’s dog had died. And it was only then in the most desperate situation that the dad finally relented the change and listened to his son and to give him the bike. So the son takes the bike and he proceeded to take it and turn into a wheel on the windmill and he put it together and the wind came, it spun around and water started pumping out and everybody that was there celebrated and they were able to finally start setting things up and harvest the crops again.

And it was only in extreme situations where the dad was able to change. And this goes to the growth mindset that we talk about and unfortunately a lot of us that are looking to grow are dealing with family members that don’t want to change. And we’re talking distant family members, we’re talking parents and we’re talking spouses. And it becomes very difficult when you have a growth mindset. You’re always looking to learn to get better and you’re going to have it in your life. And I have it in mind when you’re around people that do not want to change, and it’s a difficult process because you cannot get somebody to change. You cannot make somebody that doesn’t want to change change. But when you watch or read this story, and it’s a cautionary tale, but we can take this as a warning to say, let’s not become that type of person that gets so stuck in our own ways that we keep doing it the same over and over, whether it’s parenting, business, our health, the same way we always have, just because that’s the way we’ve always done it, to realize that we constantly need change and we constantly need to have that open mind to be able to change.

So I’d highly encourage you to check this out. Either the book or the movie. I love both the movies on Netflix. I’m not sure if it’s still on there. There is a lot of subtitles, so it’s a little more difficult, especially with younger kids. But it’s a fantastic story. That’s just a little lesson about the boy. You harness the wind. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

Episode 218- Build It Wisely

I want to talk to you today about a woman named Courtney Wisely. I met Courtney just a couple of months ago through an introduction through my friend Ken Carfagno, and she was building her business and she was looking for a group of entrepreneurs to mastermind with. And I told her about our mastermind because Ken’s been a part of it for a couple of years and he had recommended it to her. So at first she didn’t think she could do it, she didn’t think she could afford it, and she immediately said, I’m in, I’m doing this. And her story is remarkable. And what’s happened since then is even more remarkable. You see, Courtney is an automation expert, a genius, I would say. And what she does is she helps house cleaners automate their businesses. So I’m like really curious about this and say, explain to me what you do. And she went into the details of all of the stuff that she does.

And it was a blur to me. All these different topics and ideas and systems that she puts in place. And she’s just on it. And I’m really curious about this. And I’m like, how much money do you make for this? How much do you charge for this? And she’s like, Oh, I don’t charge them anything. And I’m like, what is the matter with you? Why are you not charging for this? And she’s like, I don’t know. I love doing it and I’m not sure what I would charge and what people really pay me for this. And she explained it more and she literally does these retreats where she flies to these different places and over a couple of days she helps and goes through their computers and their programs and she automates everything for them. I start looking up certain things about her and people are raving, they’re absolutely raving about what she’s done for their business.

So that’s where I talked to Courtney. I called Ken and I was like, what’s going on with this Courtney? What is stopping her? Because it sounds like she’s got a gold mine here. People are raving about her, she’s changing their businesses, but she’s flying to these different retreats and she’s not getting paid anything. Like, what are we missing here? Why is this not exploding? And he said, yeah, I know. That’s why I recommended her to you cause I know what she has the potential of and what we could do together with this. So not long after she did another retreat for Ken’s cleaning tribe cause he runs a cleaning tribe, smart cleaning beers for solo cleaners and she went out to New Hampshire to a retreat with a bunch of people in his community and did the same thing for them. And I’m getting frustrated. I’m like, why are you doing it this way?

Like I love generosity, I love you helping people, but you’re going to get taken advantage of this. And people are literally begging her to charge so they could pay her for it. She jumps into the mastermind and we’re all over her like, why is this going this way? Why are you not charging this? Talking about prices, talking about opportunity. And she pushed back at first and I think she was uncomfortable with it, but I think she started to realize what was going on and the fact that people are looking to pay you for this as a consumer, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want them doing it for me for free. They should be compensated for it. And selfishly if I pay, I think I’m going to get better service. We’ve worked with way too many people who’ve done stuff for free and it was nice in the beginning, but being that they weren’t getting paid, they didn’t take it nearly as seriously as we needed them to.

And we’re like, well let’s just pay you, but we need to get this done and needed to get done well. So we’re trying to tell her people are going to appreciate the work that you do more if you charge them. So she did. She bit the bullets, she was frightened. She did her first paid retreat and she sold it out in no time. And then she did her second one and she raised the prices and she sold it out again. And now each person at this retreat, I think 10 people go to each one are paying $1,500 a person. She does one a month and a world is changing because they’re telling her you can charge 5,000 a person to do this and people would want to pay for it for the value that she’s bringing. Now, I’m not saying this just to brag on home, which I am, and maybe somebody listening is going to hear about her and hire her and go to one of her treats.

That would be amazing. But I want to talk to you about what happened before all this stuff happened because so many people preach, charge what you’re worth. Never do work for free. And to me that is awful advice. I’m going to give this as an example. Courtney never wanted the charge. She had a hang up about it, but she loved doing this. She absolutely adores helping people automate their systems. She calls herself a geek, a nerd, but this is what she just dives into and loves. So she kept doing it and she kept helping people and she had no expectations. And for most people, I would never advise doing it to the extent that she did it because I think it was for a few years that she did this for different people and not just different people, different groups. So she would go and she would automate all their systems and she’d leave and she’d never get paid.

But guess what she did? She created the most amazing group of raving fans. These people could not stop talking about Courtney about what she did, not that she did it for free, cause I’m sure they mentioned it, but how she helped their business. So she started talking about this. Her email list kept growing, all the connections and the relationships start happening, but she still wasn’t getting paid. And I know very few entrepreneurs or freelancers that would do what she did because they want to figure out how to charge as quickly as they can get with their worth. She did almost the exact opposite point where it could have possibly been very damaging if it was over time, consistently the same way. Again, she did the opposite of what everybody does, but it’s my type of marketing. It’s brilliant because people might not have hired her in the very beginning because they didn’t trust her.

Maybe they didn’t trust her, but being willing to do it the way she did it. Who’s going to turn that down? Now? She gets in front of a captive audience and she blows them away and then they’d tell their friends and again, she’s like, okay, I’ll do it for you, and she does it for free. You know, you cringe a little bit when you hear that, but then she blows them away and she keeps doing it to where people just keep talking about her because if you have a business, you just started and I said, you’re going to start a retreat and you’re going to charge $1,000 per person and very few people know about what you do, but you’re worth this because you know you’re good. You think you’re going to sell that retreat out $1,000 a person, most likely not. You might not even get a sale if you don’t have the audience for it.

And people get frustrated. I know I’m good at this, but nobody’s buying and they have those expectations that go with it. She did the opposite. Very much like the find your addicts episode. I did about 50 cent. She found her addicts. She so over-delivered that they could not stop talking about her. So when she finally did it and she finally opened the doors and she finally charged, she had people lined around the corner figuratively to sign up and then she raises the price, sells it out again. She can raise the price right now and we’ll sell it out again. She has the potential to do these retreats at this price, but at the same time do a conference cause Courtney loves theater to do a conference in beautiful theaters around the country. We’re for at a lower price for the people that can’t get into the retreat, she can do similar things for them or teach in that.

In that setting, the potential is unlimited and I don’t think it’s going to slow down and it’s only because, not only, but I think I’m big reason is because she was so generous in the beginning and it wasn’t about the money and because it wasn’t about the money. She got to show the world what she did and her skills and her talents, her wizardry, as you would call it, cause she’s a huge Harry Potter fan and now she really doesn’t need the work. The work’s just coming to her. So I’m not telling you to go work for free for two years, but we kind of did the same thing. I made $20,000 in my first five or six years of photography. I needed to go shoot and get better and learn and make connections and build trust. And that’s what she did was she built trust. So instead of thinking about, Oh, I’ve got to get what I’m worth, see if you can shift that around to, I’ve got to build trust because Courtney’s now an overnight sensation, quote unquote. But there’s a lot of roots that go deep that she planted with her generosity and her helpfulness, and it built so much trust, but you became an overnight sensation. So congratulations to Courtney. I’ll put her information in the show notes for anyone that wants to check out what she does, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow.